


Forgiven

by impossiblesongs



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Episode: s06e13 The Wedding of River Song, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-14
Packaged: 2017-12-26 12:50:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossiblesongs/pseuds/impossiblesongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He said it first, and when the day came, she said it back.<br/>(6x13 ‘The Wedding Of River Song’ – the wedding scene)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiven

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. This has been a disclaimer.

 

Both of them, Amy and River, are pleading with him as if it makes a difference against the reasons he has to die. It’s a waste of time. All of it, all of this. They don’t seem to grasp exactly how big a deal this is so all he can do is agree and do as they ask.

 

“We're going to the Receptor Room right at the top of the pyramid.” River says, “I hope you're ready for a climb.”

 

He follows after her. On the way up he asks Captain Carter and his crew to prepare him some privacy. From the moment he walked into that control room he’d not planned on reacting the way he had. He knew he couldn’t do what had to be done with eyes watching, not with this. With her.

 

The crew made quick arrangements for the Teselecta to be at his control completely before walking him up towards one of the eyes to have a better view of things and left him be.

 

The distress beacon. He hadn’t expected that.

 

“I’m the child of the Tardis.” River reminded, as if he’d forgotten. “I understand the physics.”

 

Berlin. He remembers Berlin and how far along she had yet to come. She only knows what she knows because he told her, because the Teselecta showed her. She’s not felt it yet, not truly.

 

He had come to realize more and more what Demon’s Run was, what it had meant. She told him once, his River, that he’d find out who she was and that everything would change but he didn’t fathom it possible. Couldn’t see it, stupid, stupid old man he’d become. He of all people should have realized that his hello was her goodbye.

 

“But that’s all you’ve got,” He hears his frustration burn through his words, “It’s a distress beacon!”

 

“I’ve been sending out a message.” She says, “A distress call.”

 

Her voice, her face, her hair, she’s River. But he can’t find the one who’s his. She’s still so young, she’s beginning, standing there in front of him. River, but not his River. _Not yet_! His mind echoes, has echoed. Constantly. And he’s angry. He’s angry when he has absolutely no right to be, not one right.

 

“Outside the bubble of our time, the universe is still turning, and I’ve sent a message everywhere.”

 

He stays silent and watches her. He’d spent his past working River out, calculating her, and he never could but now? She’s simply unattainable this young.

 

“To the future and the past,” she continued. “The beginning and the end of everything.”

 

He can’t help the fondness that spreads through him at that. Young as she is, she’s not any less brilliant.

 

“The Doctor is dying.” She rushes, so much emotion making her breathless. “Please, please, help.”

 

 She’s clever, _so_ clever, but she’s using it the wrong way and it’s making him agitated.

 

“River!” he tries, has to try so hard with her now. It’s never been this hard. “River, this is ridiculous! That would mean nothing to anyone. It’s insane. Worse – it’s _stupid_!”

 

He can feel himself toppling over with the weight. Was this what River had to carry? This horrible, horrible weight of history and timelines and _them_ that’s been passed onto him. He’s crumbling terribly while his River was always so strong and never once cracked. He needs to be strong. So he uses the only thing he can and he hates himself for doing so. The only thing he can use as leverage.

 

Her heart.

 

“You embarrass me.”

 

He can only look on as her heart crumbles. First of the shock and then it reaches her eyes.

 

He wonders how she managed to withstand them for all of these years, his River.

 

“We barricaded the door.” Amy’s voice calls out. “We’ve got a few minutes.”

 

River distracts at her mother’s voice and he’s thankful. He can’t stand to see her heart breaking knowing he’s the cause and not being able to stop it.

 

“Just tell him.” Amy says but River can’t find her voice. “Just tell him, River!” Amy urges. It gives River confidence enough.  

 

“Those reports of the sunspots and the solar flares? They’re wrong. There aren’t any. It’s not the sun, it’s you.” Her eyes are wide, terrified. “The sky is full of a million, million voices saying ‘Yes of course, we’ll help.’”

 

She shushes him before he has the chance to begin to argue against her again.

 

“You’ve touched so many lives,” _like mine_ is left unsaid, “Saved so many people. Did you really think when your time came, you’d really have to do more than just ask?”

 

Amy and Rory were watching and he’s reminded of everyone else who is too.

 

“You’ve decided that the universe is better off without you, but the universe doesn’t agree.”

 

“River.” He tries again, “No one can help me. A fixed time has been altered. Time is disintegrating.”

 

“I can’t let you die!” She’s all heart, heart and love. Bare and broken.

 

“But I have to die!” And it’s a plea. He can’t go on with this much longer.

 

“Shut up!”

 

His own hearts still at the sound of her voice so full of anguish. The staggering difference of her youth is unknown to him, he doesn’t know how to handle this. Them. She’s so vulnerable, exposed like he’s never seen her. It’s terrifying.

 

“I can’t let you die without knowing you are loved. By so many, and so much, and by no one more than me.” The way her voice catches makes him unravel inside. She’s thinking he disregards that last one so she might as well say it one last time.

 

“River, you and I,” and it was, both of them, nothing works any other way, “We know what this means. You know, we are ground zero of an explosion that will engulf all reality. Billions on billions will suffer and die!”

 

“I’ll suffer,” she maintains, “if I have to kill you.”

 

“More than every living thing in the universe?!”

 

He watches her carefully. She looks back, she _can’t_ see any other way. He wishes his River was there. His River would have known, she would have heard without him having to say a word. She would probably have thought it out before he did, wouldn’t even check in she’d just do what had to be done. No hesitation.

 

“Yes.” She finally answers, a tear running down her cheek. The realization that he’s never properly seen her cry, not since the first time, devastates him. It won’t be the last and it will possibly always be of his doing.

 

“River, River, why do you have to be this?” But he knows why. “Melody Pond, your daughter,” he directs to Amy and Rory, “I hope your both proud!”

 

He says it as a scolding, a distraction, so he can turn away and collect himself because he’s too close now. He’s far too emotionally invested in this. It’s his, it’s theirs, it _matters_. He can feel her staring a wound at his back.

 

He thinks of River, _his_ River.

 

It comes like a wave. This is it. This is the beginning. She’s not his River yet but this is his chance to help her along. It’s his turn to take her hand and run.

 

“Amy, uncuff me, now.”

 

She does.

 

He takes a deep breath and switches tactics, he needs to change the direction of this entire situation. He needs to show her so she can see it and one day feel it as he does now.

 

“Okay, I need a strip of cloth about a foot long, anything will do. Never mind.” He’s reaching up for his bowtie, making it up as he goes. “River,” she reacts to his tone easier, walking over without a second thought. _Trust._ “Take one end of this.” She does. “Wrap it around your hand and hold it out to me.”

 

“What am I doing?” she asks.

 

“As you’re told.” His eyes track her hands as they do so. Takes it to memory because it’s not going to be perfect, never will. They are an imperfect balance for each other, tip one over and the other falls flat. Imperfect, but steady.

 

“Now, we’re in the middle of a combat zone so we’ll have to do the quick version.” He mutters. “Captain Williams,” he calls Rory’s attention, “Say ‘I consent and gladly give.’”

 

Rory looks skeptical, “To what?”

 

“Just say it!” he unintentionally snaps. He looks to Rory and Amy and silently sends his apologies. “Please.”

 

“I…” Rory glances at Amy quickly, “Consent and gladly give.”

 

Amy’s turn.

 

“Need you to say it too.” He looks over cautiously, “Mother of the bride.”

 

Amy doesn’t even hesitate.

 

“Now, River,” he turns to her, “I’m about to whisper something in your ear and you have to remember it very, very carefully, and tell no one what I said.”

 

She nods and he leans in closer. He wishes it really was him so he could feel her unruly curls brush against his nose. He didn’t even know he liked that until now. He whispers and hopes its enough.

 

Then she’s looking and he’s suddenly all giddy with nerves of excitement. When she finally does see him he can’t help but smile and wave like an idiot. He sees a breath of relief and the excitement in him builds so much that he’d almost completely forgotten the circumstance they were currently stuck in. He recovers quickly.

 

“I just told you my name.” He smiles at her face filled with awe. She’s filled with a hope that brightens her eyes again. There’s no way he could ever love her less, not ever. “Now, there you go, River Song, Melody Pond, you’re the woman who married me. And wife,” _my wife,_ “I have a request. This world is dying and it’s my fault and I can’t bear it another day. Please,” he begs, “Help me.”

 

Her relief seems to waver and he tries to catch it before it falls away.

 

“There isn’t another way.”

 

Just like Berlin....

_help me_

 

She does.

 

“Then you may kiss the bride.”

 

“I’ll make it a good one.” He promises.

 

“You better.”

 

_It’s worse than he’d imagined. Not dying, dying didn’t matter. River. Her face as she killed him. The fear. The terror. The blame. Her future self looking after Amelia, holding the weight of all of their lives. Strong, beautiful, courageous River._

_Good, he promised her. The Doctor lies, but not all the time. This promise he’ll try to keep as long as they’re both alive._

 

“And you are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven.”

 

_He said it first, and when the day came…_

 

“Who are you?”

 

_She said it back._

“Spoilers.”


End file.
